One step forward, two steps back.Posted: March 28, 2010
This morning I wasn’t very hungry, but I opted for a small yet filling meal instead of skipping breakfast and paying for it with a cookie binge down the road. knew I needed some fuel. Choices like this remind me that I’ve come a long way in correcting my eating habits. I wasn’t feeling like a boring bowl of peanut butter oatmeal so I got it into my head to make Mocha Oats. I made up a cup of coffee and used that to cook a half cup of the Publix Greewise Organic Old Fashioned instead of straight water or almond milk. A tablespoon and a half of Ovaltine on top gave me a bowl of chocolatey-caffeine-laden goodness. I know it could have used some more nutrient bang, so next time I think I’ll use up the rest of my chocolate protein powder instead of ovaltine, but overall it was a winner taste-wise 🙂
Today’s plan included heading into Tampa to David’s Bridal to get fit for a bridesmaid dress for my best friend’s wedding. She’s tying the knot May 15th and I couldn’t be more excited for her!!! We met four years ago in our first class of Freshman year at Uni, and actually got quite a reputation in our small college for always being together getting into shenanigans 😉 Anywho, the night she called me to tell me she was engaged (at two o’clock in the morning) and asked me to be a bridesmaid, I accepted on the condition that I got to have world’s biggest butt bustle. I’m a little bummed that I don’t get to rock out this Liberace-fied Barbie frock:
Instead she picked a nice and tasteful strapless floor-length gown in my absolute favorite shade of dark purple (ya know, with the way everything in our lives have been so synced up these past years, it’s only fitting we would have the same colors for our weddings…not that I’m getting married anytime soon, but still…) The drive down there I was blasting some kick-ass music, and I was feeling pretty great until I hit the fitting room…and…
Bam. My usual size Would. Not. Zip. I kinda cringed but I figured heck, these dresses might run small, so I flagged down the saleslady and asked to size up.
That one got about to my boobs, which aren’t exactly Pam Anderson-esque, mind you. The saleslady told me to try it on without a bra. It took some squeezing, but it zipped, although it was still obviously too tight. I stood there in the middle of the packed showroom, which was absolutely teeming with little critters prom dress shopping, feeling pretty poorly about myself as I stared at my reflection in the three-way mirror, and the saleslady proceeded to walk up behind me and blurt out “No, honey, you don’t want to get that size, you don’t fit in it. I’ll get the next one up.”
I really don’t want to make this into a blog complaining about my body. Completely the opposite, really – I want it to foster self-confidence for myself and my readers. Most days, I’m okay with my body. Not always happy, but I can make do. I know that in reality, my body is “real”, and yes it’s not perfect, but I’ve never gotten any complaints about my curves. I also know that in reality, my body is on the smaller side of average, and I’m right in the middle of a healthy weight spectrum for my height. I also know that her comment was not meant to come across as insulting, and I did agree that it didn’t fit and that I was going to have to go a size larger.
Despite know this rationally, I still took a mental hit. I half nodded to the saleslady and went back into the dressing room, where I proceeded to have a quick and intense cry. I feel so damn vain admitting it, but it knocked me for a loop. Just when I think I’m making progress, something happens to skew my perception again.
I snapped out of the fat funk pretty quickly, actually, and I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to dwell on it. I’m the size I am, I’m not model skinny, but it just so happens that my body is pretty hot regardless. I’ve been wavering back and forth about posting about this, but I decided to because half the purpose of this blog is to relate to other women who are dealing with the same body issues and working towards being whole, healthy, and happy. So you know what? I’ll rock out that size six dress and move on with my life. It’s really not worth bawling in a fitting room over, and I mean that.