I didn’t get it.

No sense in sugarcoating it, right? Job = not mine.

As much as I genuinely wanted to be happy for my coworker who ended up with the position, I found myself wounded and resentful. In reality, she was more experienced with the work and is the better person to fill the job, but that didn’t lessen the bitterness. It had been the general consensus all along that she would receive the promotion, and I felt stupid for having set myself up as having a chance.

Rejection shakes a person to their core. It essentially sends the message that as good as you’d like to think you are, you’re not good enough. As I wallowed, though, I realized that not getting the job has changed nothing about who I am. I am no less of an intelligent, strong woman; no less skilled, no less determined, and my future is no less promising.  In the words of my idolized Joyce Carol Oates, “One cannot live without rejection; rejection is part of the learning process.”

I decided to give myself a vicarious esteem boost by posting some Operation Beautiful notes on my lunch break. In the past, some of the most heartening words I’ve ever heard have come from strangers. I certainly couldn’t be the only one having a tough day, and I immediately felt a rush of positivity when I realized the power some simple reassurance could have to someone else feeling a little down. Up these went into the bathrooms at my bank and a gas station.

On a brighter note, all the teachers get this week off before we launch into the summer program. I know I need to down time to rejuvenate myself, and honestly, it came at the perfect time. I think I need a little space to evaluate where I want to go from here professionally.

I have big plans to spend some time in the kitchen whipping up some seriously blog-worthy goodies. (I’m so over being all pseudo-philosophical, I just want to go play with some health food!) Most exciting of all? It’s brown and orange and yummy all over…stay tuned!


3 Comments on “I didn’t get it.”

  1. great job w/ the OB notes! they can be so helpful! i had some friends give me a stack of them for myself because they know how much i struggle and know it helps.

  2. Kirsten says:

    That’s a great quote by J.Oates! Thanks for sharing. Loved your Operation beautiful notes as well.

  3. sonia says:

    I’m finally catching up on blogs!
    Sorry about the job… At least this is practice for future interviews, etc, right?

    Can’t wait to read about what you’ve been cooking up!

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