The Accidental Bikini That Was So Much More

Early last week, I ducked into Marshall’s with the intent of hunting down a pair of work-appropriate shorts.

Half an hour later, I walked out, bag and receipt in hand; not shorts, but a bikini. A barely-there, all-eyes-on-me, electric blue bikini.

It wasn’t my intention to buy a new bathing suit.

I stood there, in front of the racks, browsing for shorts, and I remembered a conversation I’d had with The Flirt Buddy That Has Been Something More In The Making For Some Time Now. (I realize I’m going to have to come up with a better name for him.) The conversation entailed an invitation to come swim at his pool after work.

Just for the fun of it (because we all know that swimsuit shopping is synonymous with fun), I pulled a few swim suits off the racks and beelined for the fitting room.

As I slipped into my first choice, I was shellshocked.

For the first time in years, I looked at my bikini-fied self in the mirror and was blown away. I felt amazing in my own skin; I felt strong, sexy, and confident. Insecurities and perceived flaws were nowhere on my mental radar.

As I tied the halter ribbons around my neck, I felt proud of my curves. Honestly, deeply, irrevocably proud of my curves. I felt like a Sports Illustrated model, and I didn’t even stop to question myself for even comparing my considerably less toned physique to that of a swimsuit edition girl.

I strutted around the fitting room like a peacock, vanity be damned.

For the first time in years, my mirror was not showing me things to change. I was in awe of how I looked right then and there – not how I could look if I dropped five pounds, not how I’d appear after a regimen of situps.

All the efforts I’ve made to change my mentality seemed to culminate there in that florescent-lit eight-by-ten cube. I wasn’t just telling myself that my body is pride-worthy. I legitimately believed it.

Giddy with delight, I didn’t even try on the other swimsuits. I didn’t care what the size tag or the price tag said.

That tiny scrap of cobalt fabric was more than a bikini. It was a tangible representation of how far I’ve come. It was everything I’ve wanted to believe for so long. It was everything I’ve desperately needed to see in myself, finally come to fruition.

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21 Comments on “The Accidental Bikini That Was So Much More”

  1. Helen says:

    Faith this is a great post. You describe your emotions so well, I am really pleased you felt so confident and sassy! Wear that bikini with pride!

  2. greensandjeans says:

    What a FANTASTIC experience and moment for you! Rock it lady!

  3. This was a wonderful post! I love it how you describe the feeling you got from the bikini, every woman should have that moment when wearing a bikini 🙂

  4. This is wonderful and inspiring – we should all feel that way when we wear a swim suit!

  5. I have a bikini in that same color and I love it. I’m glad that you felt so confident in your own skin. It’s a great feeling. 🙂 Hope you have fun with your guy!

  6. you go girl!!! you should order it in every color and wear them daily!
    -rebekah

  7. Chelsey says:

    That is awesome! It must have made you giggle like a school girl all afternoon!

  8. Blond Duck says:

    Popped in to say hi! I’ve been struggling with my body image and weight issues for a long time and finally put on a pink bikini the other day! While I didn’t strut proudly and covered my tummy with a towel, I can’t wait to get to where you are! Kudos to you and thanks for inspiring those of us still working!

  9. Katherine: What About Summer? says:

    I am so glad to hear you found something you liked and that had that effect on you (maybe I’ll have the same luck at Marshalls?). It is all about how you wear it (not what you wear)
    Katherine

  10. leslie says:

    this is a beautiful post, especially your words in the last paragraph. i had a similar moment while shopping a couple months ago, when i realized i legitimately didn’t care about the size – it was more about loving the clothes i was buying. i’m not sure i’ll have the same reaction when i go swimsuit shopping this year, but maybe! this is certainly good inspiration. congrats on coming this far!

  11. I literally busted out laughing imagining you strutting around like a peacock lol congrats babe! You won the war on self-image! And I bet the bathing suit looks fabulous on you (:

  12. Congrats on your Marshalls moment 🙂 I had one there last Friday night with a dress! I love that blue color, it’s stunning!

  13. Sonia says:

    suuuuch a great feeling!
    That is so awesome! 🙂 I am seriously in a better mood after reading this, even though it has nothing to do with me!

  14. I loved reading this & I’m glad you found a suit that makes you feel confident!

  15. Good for you! It’s such a wonderful (and rare these days) feeling to feel home and happy in your own skin!

  16. […] it All July 16, 2010 by Faith Remember the bikini that helped me celebrate my body for the first time in […]

  17. Natasha says:

    once again, your words amaze me. you are so inspiring and once again made me cry. you are so beautiful and I am so glad I found your blog to read.
    congratulations on realizing you ARE goregous. and thank you for sharing with us (me!) that you can rock curves when you arent a stupid size double zero or have ripped abs.

  18. Michelle says:

    I loved this post! It made me really really happy ❤

  19. juleats says:

    I love this post!
    I can totally relate

  20. […] after starving myself for days on end or swallowing countless diet pills? No chance. In fact, the first time I truly felt beautiful was when I accepted my body the way it was – curves and […]


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