The Accidental Bikini That Was So Much MorePosted: June 20, 2010
Early last week, I ducked into Marshall’s with the intent of hunting down a pair of work-appropriate shorts.
Half an hour later, I walked out, bag and receipt in hand; not shorts, but a bikini. A barely-there, all-eyes-on-me, electric blue bikini.
It wasn’t my intention to buy a new bathing suit.
I stood there, in front of the racks, browsing for shorts, and I remembered a conversation I’d had with The Flirt Buddy That Has Been Something More In The Making For Some Time Now. (I realize I’m going to have to come up with a better name for him.) The conversation entailed an invitation to come swim at his pool after work.
Just for the fun of it (because we all know that swimsuit shopping is synonymous with fun), I pulled a few swim suits off the racks and beelined for the fitting room.
As I slipped into my first choice, I was shellshocked.
For the first time in years, I looked at my bikini-fied self in the mirror and was blown away. I felt amazing in my own skin; I felt strong, sexy, and confident. Insecurities and perceived flaws were nowhere on my mental radar.
As I tied the halter ribbons around my neck, I felt proud of my curves. Honestly, deeply, irrevocably proud of my curves. I felt like a Sports Illustrated model, and I didn’t even stop to question myself for even comparing my considerably less toned physique to that of a swimsuit edition girl.
I strutted around the fitting room like a peacock, vanity be damned.
For the first time in years, my mirror was not showing me things to change. I was in awe of how I looked right then and there – not how I could look if I dropped five pounds, not how I’d appear after a regimen of situps.
All the efforts I’ve made to change my mentality seemed to culminate there in that florescent-lit eight-by-ten cube. I wasn’t just telling myself that my body is pride-worthy. I legitimately believed it.
Giddy with delight, I didn’t even try on the other swimsuits. I didn’t care what the size tag or the price tag said.
That tiny scrap of cobalt fabric was more than a bikini. It was a tangible representation of how far I’ve come. It was everything I’ve wanted to believe for so long. It was everything I’ve desperately needed to see in myself, finally come to fruition.